Harry Potter And The Fullmetal Bargain
by hederatedstone
Summary: Never make a deal with Truth. Now Ed's finding out the hard way that the Grinning Bastard really does have a sense of humour. Ed just doesn't find it funny. Help an adjacent universe out? Sure! Bad move. Now Magical Britain might not survive a bad-tempered alchemist. Things might get better, but they'll get worse first
1. Equivalent Exchange and Fine Print

**DISCLAIMER: If you recognise anything here, I clearly do not own it. Principal ownership resides with J.K. Rowling and Hiromu Arakawa. I assert no ownership to anything except the arrangement of the words used herein into sentences.**

 **If you recognise something that is from somewhere else, please show off how clever you are in a review and point it out. I'll be trying to put at least one little reference in each chapter, as a bonus easter egg of 'culture' (I define 'culture' VERY broadly). Smart readers will be able to go 'hey, that's from...'. And this will make me happy.**

 **If you're reading this after 20160912, then you are reading a revised version.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Equivalent Exchange and Fine Print**

* * *

Edward Elric blinked as everything went white. _'Back in Truth's cosy little domain_ ,' he thought to himself. Then he narrowed his eyes and looked at the Grinning Bastard Himself, sitting in front of him.

"I take it you're here to retrieve your brother? Just how do you plan on pulling an entire human out of here? What's your payment? Do you intend to offer your own body?" Truth grinned at him.

Ed snorted "Yeah I've got your payment right here, so go ahead and take it" he gestured at his Gate behind him "This thing is my Portal of Truth, so I get to make the decision on how it's used. Is that right?" he asked the gobsmacked entity.

Truth chuckled "It's come to that?" Another chuckle, as Truth hid His face in His palm "And you're sure about this? You do realise you'll never be able to perform alchemy again without your Portal?" Truth asked, looking Ed straight in the eye.

Ed looked at his Portal "I'm aware of that. This Portal, I know it contains every secret alchemy has to offer. However, it's also led me astray. I saw the truth that lies within it, and I became convinced I could solve everything with alchemy. But I couldn't possibly have been more wrong. That was just arrogance."

Truth gave him a thin smile "You're willing to cast it aside, to lower yourself to a simple human?"

"What do you mean lower myself? That's the only thing I've ever been. I'm just a simple human who couldn't save a little girl, not even with alchemy" Ed replied, still looking at his Portal.

"You're sure you'll be alright without it? Think carefully now."

Ed did think about it. Then he thought about his friends. They weren't his friends because he was an alchemist. They were his friends because of him. "Who even needs alchemy, when I've got them."

Truth grinned widely at him "You've done it! That's the right answer!" Ed clapped his hands together. "Good job, you beat me. Go ahead, take him home" Ed put his hand on his Portal and deconstructed it.

Edward helped Al to his feet, using his shoulder to support his brother. They started towards the gate "Come on Al, let's go home"

They paused. The gate hadn't opened. The doors had only cracked apart slightly. Behind them, they heard chuckling.

"Or we could make an alternative deal, if you're interested. Who knows, it could be worth your while"

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

Ed turned to look at Truth "What kind of a deal?"

"I'm open-minded. Let's chat"

Edward and Alphonse walked slowly towards the grinning figure. They sat in front of it. Ed looked closely at Truth, trying to figure it out. Then he grinned at it "You want something, don't you?"

"My job is to balance this universe. There are many like me, each with their own universe. The adjacent universe has a problem. I want you to fix it" Truth told him. Behind it, the hazy outline of Ed's Portal appeared.

"You want to send me to another universe and fix their problem. I just got through fixing this one. What's your opening offer?" Ed wanted to refuse. He'd just saved Amestris. He wanted to take Al home, thank those who had helped him, mourn those he'd lost, and see Winry. But saying no would mean letting another world go through what he'd spent the last year fighting against. Could he really do that? Could he really stand back and tell an entire universe _'You're on your own. I'm too tired to help you'_. Sadly, he really couldn't.

Truth smiled at him "I'll give you your brother, your alchemy, and your leg"

Ed smiled back "An interesting offer, I'm sure. How long exactly will I be gone?"

Truth frowned for a moment "Maybe ten years"

Ed scowled at the Grinning Bastard "So, I get my brother back, but I can't see him or anyone I know for ten years? Outrageous! That'll cost you far more than you've offered so far"

"I can't give you your mother back, _Little Alchemist_. It's been far too long" Truth replied unsmilingly.

"That's too bad, it would've been a good bargaining position" Ed replied in a grim tone.

"You're right, it would have been an excellent bargaining position. If I could have used it to convince you to undertake the task, I might have done so. So, _Little Alchemist_ , what's your counteroffer?" Truth asked, trying not to smile.

"My brother, my alchemy, my leg, no ten years, and a whole lot of knowledge"

"You were getting knowledge anyway. Did you really think that I'd send you to another world to fix a problem, and tell you nothing? Guaranteed failure from the outset. And alchemists who might succeed aren't exactly common. Even simple humans like yourself who might succeed aren't common. You need the ten years to do the job, it won't be a quick task. What knowledge did you want?"

Ed gave a Truth-worthy grin "I'm an alchemist. I may sound like Greed here, but I want it all"

Truth grinned back "Maybe. Do you have any other wild requests, while we're still tossing ideas around?"

"Oh, I've got plenty. You did, after all, say you were open-minded. How about Colonel Bastard's eyes, Teacher's organs, Zampano's body, Darius' body, Heinkel's body, Jerso's body, Havoc's legs"

"All excellent bargaining positions, _Little Alchemist_." Truth smiled in what Ed thought was a condescending manner.

"And hell, while we're at it, Maes Hughes" Ed growled, daring Truth to say something.

Truth frowned "Oh. Oh, that one would cost you. The equivalent exchange on that will hurt, but it might be possible"

Ed laughed "How bad could it possibly be? You still need me to do the job. No, let me clarify, you need _ME_ far more than I need _YOU_. So it can't be that bad, can it?"

"How astute of you, _Little Alchemist_. It will not cost you an arm and a leg. The cost will be elsewhere. And I lied about your bargaining position. Havoc's legs, there's no deal there. That's just a damaged spinal cord. I have no particular influence there. Doctor Marcoh is your best bet for that. As for the human chimeras, surely if I give you knowledge, you'll know how to fix that problem when you return"

"Yeah, I probably will, too" Ed replied, wincing. He hadn't thought about that.

"Nevertheless, if you want the Colonel, your teacher, Hughes, your brother, your leg, your alchemy and knowledge, you will give me a century of your life in another universe"

Ed stared at Truth. There really wasn't anything to say. Finally, he regained his presence of mind and growled out "Explain"

"Explain what, exactly, _Little Alchemist_?"

"Explain the Equivalence on this deal you're proposing. Where does the century come in?"

"Oh? I see. Let me try and explain it for your little mind. I'll be brief, and give you the short version. Maes Hughes, deceased on the 29th of September, 1914. Today is 4th of April 1915. Just over six months since his death. The level of coherence his soul will have this long after death is quite good. If you waited until a year after death, we would be having a very different conversation."

"I'm not sure I understand, truthfully" Ed replied quietly.

"Oh, very droll, _Little Alchemist_. I shall try to explain. The soul decays after death. It fragments, it frays. As it frays, the process of fragmentation accelerates, until, well, there's nothing left. The homunculi you fought were a swirling maelstrom of soul fragments. Although, I am impressed that Kimblee was able to retain coherence after being absorbed by Pride. And your father was able to maintain over half a million souls as coherent entities for over four centuries. Truly impressive, even from my perspective."

"I'm sure it is. Getting back on track, as we were" Ed said pointedly.

"What? Oh! If we were having this conversation a year after Hughes' death, then I would be telling you that the level of decay was such that, even if I brought him back, he wouldn't be the same. There would be enough missing, enough degradation, that he might as well be a different person. Today, there would be some loss, but it would be minimal."

"Any idea what would be lost?"

"Hard to say, the process is largely random. Memories or other upper level aspects of self is most probable. But now that I've told you that it's possible, will you pay the price?"

"I'd want to know what it is, first. In detail, if you would be so kind."

"Prudent. Maes Hughes, age 29. If he wasn't dead, he probably would have lived another 45 years. So I need that from you, and the same again for returning him to life. Ninety years from you. Plus the time you need to complete the task. That makes a hundred years. Do you concur?"

Ed growled "Yes, I concur"

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

"I'll need to knock a few years off you first. Give you a better chance of lasting a full century. Plus, it'll provide you with an excellent cover. People always underestimate a child. You know that better than most, don't you, _Little Alchemist_. And you yourself know how effective Selim Bradley was as a disguise"

"You're doing this to toy with me, aren't you?" Ed scowled at Truth.

"Maybe just a little bit. But the best place for you to be in order to fulfill the task is as a student at a school. For that, you'll need to be eleven again"

"Will I see my brother again? Winry? The Colonel Bastard? Teacher? All my friends?"

"Highly likely. Unless you die in your task. Or they die before you return"

Ed turned to his brother, who'd stayed silent the whole time. Unsurprisingly, Al looked worried. "Al, will you tell everyone what happened here"

Alphonse managed a weak smile "Of course, Brother. They'll suspect something when you don't return"

"Assuming that the Colonel Bastard's eyesight doesn't give them a major hint" Ed told him, trying to make his brother smile.

"Or me" a familiar voice said behind them. Ed turned around and saw Maes Hughes standing near the gate. A very naked Maes Hughes. A very naked confused Maes Hughes. "Ed, where am I, and what is this place? And where are my clothes? Did Roy do this?"

"Good to see you, Brigadier General Hughes, if not quite so much of you" Ed replied, trying not to laugh.

"It's Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, Ed. At least I think it's Ed"

"It's me, Hughes. And Al. You're currently dead. You were posthumously promoted"

"Nice one, Ed. How'd Roy rope you into this prank? How come you look older, and where is this place?"

"Hughes, this is where alchemists come when they attempt human transmutation. You died a while ago. And that grinning bastard is Truth. Or God. Or The Universe "

"But I'm not an alchemist, so why am I here?"

"That's simple. Truth and I are making a deal. You're just part of the trade. Think of me when you enjoy your life, Hughes. I may not see you for a long time. A hundred years, apparently."

"That sucks, Ed. But if this is real, I appreciate it. Gracia! Elicia! They must have been so alone without me"

"If you appreciate it enough to pay me back, look after Al until I get back"

"So _Little Alchemist_ , the final deal. Your brother, your alchemy, your leg, your teacher's organs, the colonel's eyes, Maes Hughes, and knowledge of alchemy"

"Everything about alchemy" Ed clarified

"Yes, everything about alchemy"

"While you're at it, throw in everything about automail too"

"You don't need automail any more" Truth told him, in a 'you forgot something and I'm doing you a favour by telling you' tone

"It's a fascinating topic"

"Very well. Automail knowledge too. In exchange for all that, you agree to revert to being eleven, to spend a hundred years in an adjacent universe, and fix the problem you are sent to deal with"

"That… sounds… correct"

"Then Alphonse and Maes Hughes can depart, and we can talk more about the task. Say goodbye, now."

Ed hugged his brother "Don't worry Al, I'll see you again. It just might be a while"

"I know" Al replied, trying not to cry.

Ed turned to Hughes "Hughes, you owe me one. Don't forget now. You can start by paying back the Colonel the money I owe him"

"How about I look after Alphonse instead?"

"You can do that too. Go, be with your family. I paid a price to give you that, Hughes. Don't waste it"

Hughes and Al moved slowly towards the Gate, which opened wide for their passage. Ed watched them walk through. He kept watching until the Gate slammed shut. Then he turned around to look at Truth. He startled a little, seeing his Portal reconstitute itself behind Truth.

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

"Let us sit and talk, _Little Alchemist_. It's time for your end of the bargain"

A wave of fear swept over Ed. He cursed himself. He'd been so caught up in thinking about what he'd get out of the deal, he'd never once asked what the task was. 'Restore the balance' could mean any number of things "I'm ready"

"You're terrified, I can tell. Equivalent exchange, Edward Elric. You didn't question the equivalence of the task when I agreed to bring Hughes back"

"Has the task changed?"

"No. Not in the slightest"

Ed swallowed the lump in his throat "It's big enough to warrant bringing someone back from the dead. How bad is it really?"

"Bad. What is the one taboo, do you think?"

"Well, if it's not human transmutation, or human sacrifices, and if it's not creating philosopher's stones... you mean what is the common element?"

Truth nodded, and Ed continued "They're all about defying death, so... immortality?"

"Good. Death is a universal constant. There must be a beginning and an end. There must be an accounting and a reckoning. Efforts to bypass this universal constant are an affront to _Us_. The adjacent universe has that problem. Restore the balance, Edward Elric"

"Sounds simple enough"

"No, not really, _Little Alchemist_. If it was simple, I wouldn't need you, now would I? It's a very weird universe. Let me tell you about it...


	2. Background Briefing

**DISCLAIMER: If you recognise anything here, I clearly do not own it.** ** **Principal ownership resides with J.K. Rowling and Hiromu Arakawa.** I assert no ownership to anything except the arrangement of the words used herein into sentences.**

 **If you recognise something that is from somewhere else, please show off how clever you are in a review and point it out. I'll be trying to put at least one little reference in each chapter. As a bonus easter egg of 'pop culture' (I define pop culture VERY broadly). Smart readers will be able to go 'hey, that's from...'. And this will make me happy.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Background Briefing**

* * *

"How can this world exist? There's no such thing as magic. It defies equivalent exchange!" Ed yelled at Truth. His mind was freezing up, unable to process what he'd heard.

The entity simply frowned at him in response "Stop being so narrow-minded. In your world, there is a gate within everyone. In order to perform alchemy, you make a sacrifice to the gate. The doors open, and the desired result results"

Ed sneered "You make it sound so... barbaric. I'd prefer to think that the alchemist is simply the guiding force between the Earth's energy and the material"

Truth shrugged "That is indeed a far more elegant way of describing it. Both, however, are strictly accurate"

"I never noticed any sacrifices being made" Ed replied, then added "apart from the Human transmutations, and the time I was impaled and used myself as a Philosopher's Stone to heal myself"

"You never felt tired after transmutations?" Truth tilted his head slightly and grinned at Ed.

"Well, now I see your point" Ed conceded.

"Getting back on topic, as we were. In the adjacent world, not everyone has a gate within themselves. Only a very few do. The equivalent exchange is that there is no direct toll"

"That makes no sense" Ed muttered, mostly to himself.

"In Amestris, everyone has a gate that can be opened by using alchemy. In the other world, they can't open their gates by choice. It's either shut, or for the very few, open. The equivalent exchange is that the very few are paid for by the very many. That is how a direct equivalent exchange is avoided" Truth continued, as if Ed had not spoken.

"Like a Philosopher's Stone?" Ed asked, grasping for a parallel.

"Yes, but without dead people" Truth answered, smiling.

"Sounds very fair" Ed replied, trying to moderate his sarcasm, but with little success.

"Different rules for different universes", Truth replied, deliberately ignoring Ed's sarcasm. "It is mostly an inherited ability. Unlike your world where alchemy can be achieved by anyone who trains to learn how to use it, 'magic' is only available to very few. Most of the world, the vast majority, is unaware of its existence. Most of the world uses science and technology. Compared to Amestris, you'll find it to be more advanced. They had Amestris' level of technology about sixty years ago"

"Sounds more my kind of place" Ed grinned.

"Perhaps, but given the power imbalance, you'll be needed in the 'magical' world. The magic users keep themselves hidden from the rest of society, for a number of reasons. Mostly that they are vastly outnumbered and outclassed. Magic requires a far less rigorous mindset compared to your alchemy" Truth told him, unsmilingly.

Ed thought about that for a second "So I shouldn't be surprised if the magic users aren't that bright"

"That's a charitable way of putting it" was Truth's depressing reply "I would say that they are unaccustomed to having to think. Magic makes things easy, and so they get lazy"

Ed thought of an important point "Are there any limits to this magic?"

Truth nodded "Not many. Mainly the power over life and death"

'Ah, now we're getting somewhere' Ed thought "Is that the balance needing restoration?"

"Yes. There's a wizard approaching immortality. Or at least as close to immortality as the universe will allow. That's the first step in his plan, however. He wants to rule the world, and exterminate the non-magical population" Truth's tone was flat as he said this.

"I guess he's not aware of the balance. A tiny minority of people with so much power, having done nothing to earn it, making no sacrifices to use it. They must be monsters like Kimblee, or Father"

"It's a distinct possibility. To their credit, they are at least nominally aware of this. They have many sayings about it, like ' _With great power comes great responsibility_ ', ' _The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power_ ', ' _From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked_ '. or at least these sayings exist in the broader society"

"So they're not completely stupid. And you want me to go amongst these lunatics. For a century?"

"Yes. And you have already agreed to do this"

"Yes, I did, didn't I? But why am I needed?"

"We can't act directly to intervene. We can send agents. Suitable agents, however, are in short supply"

"Are there any restrictions on my actions?"

"Don't destroy the balance"

"That's it? No restrictions? You realise things may get worse before they get better?"

"Of course. Progress without price is worth nothing. Of course, avoid human transmutation if you can. It won't be a shortcut home, and will simply make your task harder."

"Then how do I get back?"

"The same way you got here. We will allow you to come back. But don't do it early, you won't like the consequences"

"You realise I'm not a wizard. How will I fit into the magical world if I'm not a wizard?"

"You will be, _Little Alchemist_. You should probably hide your alchemy, though. There are aren't really any alchemists where you're going. There are people who call themselves alchemists, but you probably wouldn't give them the time of day. And unusual skills will attract attention. Think of it as an undercover assignment"

Ed sneered "I already did consider this an undercover assignment. Maybe I'll go with amnesia as an explanation. But thanks for the reassurance about magic, and the advice about alchemy"

"Are you ready?"

Ed laughed "Is that all the briefing I'll get? No basic world survival tips? Languages? And you expect success?"

"No, I'll just dump it into your head during the journey. Magical world and non-magical world information. Best not to draw too much attention though ignorance"

"That's another thing. You expect me to just land in this world, immediately blend in, function competently, as a child, mind you, and succeed"

Truth looked at him blankly "I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"Can I talk to your counterpart?"

"Oh, I'm not good enough for you, now? Fine" An identical grinning white figure appeared sitting to Ed's left between him and Truth.

"Is there a problem?" Other-Truth asked.

"This is Edward Elric" Truth said "He'll do as an agent. He has some quibbles, though"

The figure looked at Ed "This is what you bring me. I was expecting more... but I suppose we can't be choosy. What's the deal so far?"

"He restores the balance and spends a cumulative century in your universe"

"For a century? The equivalent exchange must have been impressive for that"

"Brought back a dead friend"

"Impressive. I'm liking him more and more. Such nobility..."

"He still has a problem"

"What now?" Other-Truth asked, looking at Ed.

"My Truth seems a little oblivious about practicalities. He seems to think that I can just land in your world and immediately blend in, function competently, as a child, with all the inherent limitations of being a child. And still succeed"

"This is a valid objection. Any reason it occurred to you and not him?"

"The only reason I succeeded was because I had the support of the Amestrian military. I had access to funds, resources. If I needed help, I could get it if I asked for it. And now I'm to be sent to another world where I have no support, no funds, and I'm still expected to succeed"

"So what do you want?"

"You're already giving me the knowledge to function. I'll need to assemble the support... infrastructure that I need"

"You need time before you start your task" It wasn't a question.

"I have a century. Why not put some time on the front before the task begins?"

"We could do that. You need to establish yourself. The better you do that, the more likely your success. Best to establish yourself in both the magical and non-magical worlds. No one will be suspicious of you if you have an established paper-trail".

"So that's a yes on the preparation time?"

"Yes, but your success is most likely if you are eleven at a fixed point in time. So to give you a few years of preparation time, you'll need to be..."

"Younger. Yes, I know. The question is how much younger?" Ed resigned himself to a big list of small jokes.

"I'm thinking just before your seventh birthday. You are going to keep your birthday in February, aren't you?"

"There's no real reason not to" Ed said bluntly "And in a strange universe, I'll want to hold onto whatever little pieces of familiarity I can"

"Good. Sending you back before your seventh birthday will give you four and a half years to lay the foundations for your success. That's the best I can do for you"

"So long as I accept the limitations of being six years old" Ed grimaced.

"Well, _Little Alchemist_ , has being small ever stopped you before?" Truth asked, with a full Grinning Bastard smirk.

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

"Fine. Can I keep the watch?"

"Of course, and the coat too. I'll see you in a century, Fullmetal Alchemist Major Edward Elric" the Truths said in unison, clapping their hands and grinning.

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

And so it began. Ed's automail leg deconstructed into metallic powder. His original leg started to appear in its place. First the bones coalesced into shape. Then layers of muscle and sinew built up. The process ached ferociously. Then the skin started forming. Ed discovered that there are worse things than the ache of regrowing muscles. And that was the infuriating itchiness of new skin.

Ed began to shrink back to the size of a seven year old. An agonisingly painful process, he thought, numbly. But nowhere near as excruciating as having all the requisite knowledge poured into his mind at the same time. Ed barely noticed his vertebrae grinding and crunching together, his ribs cracking, every joint in his body groaning and shuddering. Nor the burning sensation from each and every muscle as it shortened to configure itself around a smaller skeleton. Just as well, as his ganglia were making the same complaint.

Bodies just aren't meant to shrink so fast.


	3. Amongst The Rubble

**DISCLAIMER: If you recognise anything here, I clearly do not own it. Principal ownership resides with J.K. Rowling and Hiromu Arakawa. I assert no ownership to anything except the arrangement of the words used herein into sentences.**

 **If you recognise something that is from somewhere else, please show off how clever you are in a review and point it out. I'll be trying to put at least one little reference in each chapter, as a bonus easter egg of 'culture' (I define 'culture' VERY broadly). Smart readers will be able to go 'hey, that's from...'. And this will make me happy.**

 **If you're reading this after 20160913, then you are reading a revised version.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Amongst The Rubble**

* * *

 **Central Command, Central City, Amestris**

Colonel Roy Mustang stood uneasily, leaning heavily against his adjutant, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Both of them looked bedraggled. They stood in the courtyard, around the Human Transmutation Circle Edward Elric had drawn then used, in an attempt to regain his brother. He looked at his adjutant. "Lieutenant, how long has it been?"

Hawkeye closed her eyes for a moment "Just a few minutes, sir"

"How much longer do you think we should wait around for Ed?"

"Depends how long it takes Edward to make his bargain,if he makes a bargain at all. Could be a few minutes, could be we never see him again"

"I hate waiting" he said, mostly to himself.

A sharp pain in his eyes made him grimace. He clutched his hand to his eyes. Further around the circle, Izumi Curtis doubled over and collapsed to the ground, clutching her stomach. Her husband Sig bent down to check if she was alright and to offer comfort.

"Lieutenant, I think I see... something"

Arcs of lightning appeared in the transmutation circle. There was a brief flash of light, then everything went quiet. The crowd started murmuring. Roy tried to focus on the circle. He could see again, but it was rather blurry. "Lieutenant, do you see two people in the circle?"

"Yes, sir. Two naked people. One of whom looks just like... Brigadier General Hughes!"

Roy was jostled as Hawkeye lurched forwards into the circle. Hawkeye approached the two figures. One was a dead ringer for Brigadier General Hughes. She'd swear it was him, if she didn't know he was dead. The other figure was a painfully thin boy with golden hair. He looked quite a lot like Edward Elric, but his face was different. 'Is that Alphonse Elric?' she wondered. Most likely, but she'd never met him in corporeal form. "Brigadier General Hughes, are you alright?"

Hughes opened his eyes dazedly and struggled to focus on her "Lieutenant Hawkeye. Don't tell me Ed was telling the truth?"

"I don't know, sir. It depends on what exactly he told you"

"He told me that I died, and Ed made a deal that included getting me back"

Hawkeye swallowed the lump in her throat. Ed had made a deal, but he hadn't returned. The arrival of Hughes was a pleasant surprise, but Ed's absence was deeply worrying.

Shaking her head, she shouted at the crowd "Quickly, somebody get two coats. Let's deal with the naked issue first. Let's get Hughes and... Alphonse covered first. We can ask questions later"

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

Alphonse frowned as he opened his eyes. "Wha... Dad! Teacher! Mustang! Hawkeye! Mei!"

Van Hohenheim bent forward to hold his son's hand "Alphonse, what happened to Edward?"

Al closed his eyes "So he's not here. I guess the deal was acceptable. Brigadier General Hughes?"

"He's being examined. Then the Colonel will take his friend home to see his wife and daughter. You should rest"

Al looked at Mustang "Colonel Mustang, how do I look to you?"

"You look terrible, but I can at least see you clearly" Roy told him, smiling.

"Teacher, how do you feel?"

"Better than ever, Alphonse. I think I owe your brother some thanks. What was the precise deal Edward made"

"Well, that could be quite a story"

"A story has to start somewhere. soonest started, soonest ended" Van Hohenheim told him gently.

Al shivered "I'm tired, so I'll give you the shortest version. Ed appeared in Truth's domain. He bargained his alchemy for my return. Truth asked if he was sure. But Ed was certain he'd be fine without alchemy. He told Truth he had friends, he said he'd be fine. So the deal was settled and we went to leave, but the door wouldn't open. Then Truth offered Ed the opportunity to make 'a different deal'. Then things went odd"

"Odd?" Izumi asked sharply, raising an eyebrow at her wayward former pupil.

"Truth wanted Ed to travel to an adjacent universe and 'fix it'. Truth offered him me, his alchemy and his leg in exchange for ten years in the other universe problem-solving. Ed thought ten years was too long, and wanted more. Truth told him the time was necessary to do the task, and he couldn't bring back our mother. It's been too long. Ed thought that would have been a good bargaining position. The bargaining got a little wild for a while. Mustang's eyes, Teacher's organs, Zampano, Jerso, Darius and Heinkel's bodies, and Havoc's legs. Truth said that Dr Marcoh could fix Havoc, and Ed would have the knowledge to fix Zampano, Jerso, Darius and Heinkel when he returned."

"Dammit, Edward, why do you have to be so noble?" Mustang muttered, mostly to himself "We would have coped. Reuniting with your brother was more important than anyone else"

Al smiled, then continued "Then Ed did something crazy. He asked for Brigadier General Hughes. Truth told him the price would be much much steeper. For Hughes, Mustang's eyes, Teacher's organs, me, his leg, and knowledge, Ed would need to trade a century in another universe."

"What was he thinking?" Van Hohenheim groaned.

"I don't honestly know. He asked Truth if he'd see any of us again. Truth said it was highly likely unless we died before he got back or Ed died. Truth told him he'd have to be younger for the best chance of success"

"Bet Fullmetal loved that" Roy sniggered.

"He certainly wasn't thrilled"

"So he scampered off to another universe to save the world. He disobeyed my orders. I'll write him up on charges this time. Did he forget he owes me money?" Mustang grumbled, ignoring the bemused and puzzled glances the others gave him.

"Sir, you never ordered him not to visit other universes" Hawkeye told him, rolling her eyes at him. "So he did not disobey your orders. It is not against regulations to visit other universes. And your frankly ridiculous focus on the money he owes you is just a silly front for how worried you are about him"

"Don't worry Colonel, Hughes agreed to cover Ed's debt" Alphonse said quietly.

"Well, that's good to hear" Mustang said, beaming.

"I'm sure Ed will turn out okay. I'm just worried it will be a long time before I see..." Al trailed off as he lost consciousness.

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

A few days later, Mustang and Hawkeye went to visit Alphonse in hospital. Arriving in his room, they found him awake and trying to read. "How are you feeling today, Alphonse?" Hawkeye asked.

"A bit better, actually, thank you Lieutenant." Al responded. "They still won't give me solid food. So I can't work on my list"

"Your list?" Mustang asked,puzzled.

"Colonel, I haven't eaten in five years. Of course I'd have made a list of things that I'd want to eat when I got my body back. And now I'm stuck in this hospital bed and they won't let me eat anything" Alphonse grumbled half-heartedly.

"So what's the plan for you now?" Hawkeye asked him.

"Hughes told Ed he'd look after me while Ed was gone, so I'll be staying with him as soon as they let me out. Who knows, maybe having been dead will mellow him out"

Mustang laughed "i sincerely doubt that. He'll be twice as bad just to make up for his... absence. Alphonse, I was wondering if I could ask you some more questions about Ed and Truth"

"I suppose so. I'll help if I can. Or try, at least" Al said weakly.

"A thought had occurred to me. Alphonse, did Truth say that Ed wouldn't see US for a century, or that we wouldn't see HIM for a century?"

"I don't... He said Ed wouldn't see us for a century. I don't think that He ever mentioned how long it would be for us. No, I'm sure He never said how long it would be for us. I never considered that... oversight"

Mustang smiled "Alphonse, here's a lesson for the future. It will help you when dealing with tricky situations and people. Sometimes, Alphonse, what you don't say is just as important as what you do say"

"Subtle word tricks aren't really my strong point" Al replied quietly.

"They're certainly not Ed's strong point, either. But this ambiguity just means Ed could turn up at any time. The best way to cope with such uncertainty is to just get on with your life as best as you can" Mustang told him, winking and jerking his head towards the corner of the room, where Mei Chang had curled up in a chair asleep. "If you need any advice about girls, Alphonse, just-"

"-talk with Hawkeye. Or Havoc" Al interrupted, smiling. "Under no circumstances ask Mustang, Hughes or Armstrong. Any Armstrong"

~o*o*o*o*o*o~

The Colonel and his adjutant left the hospital. He looked at Hawkeye "Lieutenant, are you worried about Ed?"

"Not about Edward himself. He's a survivor. I'm worried about the universe he's been sent to. Knowing Ed's temper, that other universe might discover the meaning of the word 'nemesis'"

Roy, looked at her "I'm sorry, what?"

"Do you know what 'nemesis' means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an horrible... Ed" Hawkeye shuddered "I'm starting to feel quite bad for the people in the other universe"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Looking at Central Command, you can see Ed's conception of problem solving"

"Lieutenant, that was beneath you. You make it sound like that was entirely Fullmetal's doing. You might be unsettled, but that was inappropriate."

"Yes, sir, that was grossly unfair of me. I am worried. But you were always complaining that Edward created an enormous amount of paperwork that you tried your hardest to avoid dealing with. That you were dealing with the paperwork means you are intimately aware of Edward's methods and patterns of behaviour. He won't have you to clean up after him in the other universe. That, just by itself means chaos. That he is all alone, with no support, but with a mission to achieve, means things will probably get broken."

Roy frowned "If he's smart, he'll form attachments and not want to break the world. He'll be there for a hundred years. Let's hope he decides it's a mostly pleasant place he wants to fight to preserve"


End file.
